This week we got 24 hours. I am still hoping to eventually regularly get over 30 hours, but some weeks it just doesn’t happen, usually for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes I feel disappointed about this but I also realized that it is really important to me that Amy and Sarah still get time to play together and that Sarah has time outside of the room too. So I think 30-35 hours would be perfect. And maybe 24 hours was perfect for this week too.
Since we started working with Sarah differently to get dressed in the morning (asking more, waiting longer, promising chocolate pudding in a container if she gets dressed fast (in a cup if she moves slowly), pointing out when she is moving slowly, Carl getting dressed at the same time in Sarah’s room, me sitting outside her room instead of right next to her), she is now doing a much better job of getting herself dressed in the mornings. Sometimes it still takes some time, but I think the frustration level that I feel is much lower and her capability is getting stronger.
Sometimes I have trouble navigating the line between not manhandling her and still enforcing certain things that really make sense, such as staying dressed when it is cold. Clothing is a rule and I do physically move her a bit to enforce this sometimes, but I tell her I am going to before I do it.
This week Sarah has started telling us to “move back” way more. Often when she tells me to move back I do so in a very large way, running into a radiator or wall or door and then commenting on what I bumped into and how I can’t go back any more. This usually results in a few minutes of dialogue with eye contact. I’m not sure if she is then saying “move back” more often because she finds my reaction fun and/or if she has discovered a way to ask for more space and thus not need to frog as much. The most important thing is that we celebrate her telling us to move back since that is a lovely assertion of independence and clear communication. There are times when I don’t comply and then I tell her why, explaining that sometimes things are different when Amy is also in the SR room or when we are not in the SR room.
During Sh.’s session this week Sh. showed Sarah her shopping list of what she was going to get at the coop. As they went through it a second time Sh. didn’t say some of the items and waited to see if Sarah would supply them, which she did! She contributed “bologna,” a word she has not heard for a few years!
Sarah asked to go to Sonia’s apartment to visit B., saying B.’s name with great glee.
I have changed our goals slightly to be: imagination play and physical play.
For all the clarity I thought I had about Sarah’s exclusivity and “move back”ing, it is always interesting when the duration crosses some line and then I start to doubt myself. Why should the duration matter? If I am trusting her and trusting the ism and delighting in spending time with her and offering her an opportunity to interact, then that is not something that has a time limit. I am grateful for the sessions this week that were primarily exclusive or movebacking; they helped me identify the “hitch in my get-along” as my grandfather would say. I could then reaffirm my beliefs and intentions. I also noticed that in the sessions where I am doubting myself a bit to begin with, I am less effective and have less fun. When I believe in what we are doing, it is more effective and I am more creative and loving and persistent.
We started a new volunteer this week and when she arrived Sarah was cooking a hot dog. I introduced Ay.; Sarah gave her a long look and then began talking to Sonia and me about the slotted/dotted spoon, cooking a hot dog, the hot stove, waiting for big bubbles, seeing tiny bubbles.
In one of my sessions this week Sarah asked for Matching Squares and then told me to move back. After a few minutes of exclusive play, Sarah found a square with non-pareils. She told me “back what non-par” (black and white non-pareils). I asked her a few times if she could find the matching square. She started looking around and turned squares over until she found it!! That was a first, at least with me.
In a few hours I start my drive to MA. I am so excited for what I anticipate will be a wonderful week full of amazing learning. I hope you all have amazing weeks full of learning too!
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