February 22

Sometimes I feel like I am weeding a garden as I continue to strive towards more loving responses to my family, especially Sarah. Yesterday I noticed a moment when I was attempting to mask judgement and frustration but I think I was just mean and that Sarah probably felt it. I didn’t like it, but I am glad to have noticed it so that I can hopefully not repeat it in that exact form. My garden here is mostly flowers, but there are definitely still some weeds with broad root structures.

On Tuesday I took Sarah to the library with me to pick up a book that was being held for me. I took her to the shelves of held books and off-handedly mentioned that we were looking for my name. She pointed to the book with my name before I had found it! I nearly fell over right then and there. I didn’t know she knew my name in print, though I am sure I wrote it in past SR sessions.

My latest success with the word and math cards, when Sarah is otherwise engaged but I feel like I need to get them done for the timing of the day, is to say I have items to go in her dump truck. One of her favorite songs now is about a dump truck (“It’s so cozy to ride in my dump truck”). I give her the card while I say what it is and then she places it to one side of herself. Or sometimes we have a game of squishing words. Earlier in the week during my SR time, Sarah and I went through the entire box of retired words taking turns squishing them (pressing down on the flat surface). For most of hers I would hold it out so she could read it before I gave it to her to squish. As with other opportunities for her to show what she knows, she gets most of them right and a few wrong. When she gets a word wrong she is always saying a word that starts with the same letter as the card I am holding. Carl pointed out that this is a huge success to have her looking at the initial letter to help her know the word. She didn’t always do this. I think she is ready for any future cards that I make to be smaller than the huge cards that I made initially. When we play squishing or dump truck games I think it is too hard to read the word when it is so close to her. I’m excited about recognizing this because when we began I didn’t know how I would know when it was time to shift the size. The words will still be large but they will be more like the ones that came with the How to TeachYour Baby to Read kit.

Amy still mostly averts her eyes when I do words but now she also covertly peaks or asks to see a specific word that she liked.

I have started having 1 small math session each day where I show addition equations with the dot cards. So far so good in terms of interest. Even if the specifics aren’t remembered I think this is still a good demonstration of the concept.

Yesterday Carl took a wood building kit into his SR session and guided Sarah through the process of making a box. He said she improved her technique and purposefulness as the session continued.

On Monday my stepmother asked me what I would do with time just for me. At first I thought I get plenty of that, and I do, but I often fill it with productivity rather than something that might feel indulgent. So I took some time to write while my parents were with the girls. I have always loved e.e. cummings’ “the greedy the people” so I used that as my inspiration for the following poem.

The tired the parents
(as when as can more)
they cook and they clean
and they try for because
though the kids in their playroom
say Come
The busy the frazzled
(as now as can then)
they plan and they pack
and they turn for a hug
when the kids in their rumples
say Now

The happy the parents
(as snuggled as tested)
they indulge and set limits
to tears and to screams
though the laundry in its piles
says Fold

The creative the parents
(as sing as can dance)
they think and they play
and they plan for until
while the kids in their growing
say How

The weary the parents
(as proud as can be)
they strive and they slump
and they bow to a guess
while the kids in their love
say Why