The Pigeon is riding the bus. Sarah rode the bus (van) to school on Monday for the first time. She seemed happy enough when I buckled her in, but I was a royal mess once I got inside the house. I haven’t cried so hard about any previous step of hers. This felt big and scary to send her off in a van with people I don’t know. I cried hard for many minutes. Then I found out she had been sad on the drive and kept saying, “I miss people.” ACK!! At least she was ok once she was at school. I was relieved to pick her up that afternoon for vision therapy, which went well. I didn’t leave the premises but I kept a low profile and that did seem to help.
Tuesday morning when she got to school she cried but the driver said she hadn’t been sad on the drive itself. I also picked her up that afternoon for an appointment with her GI doctor (no new info there, just to keep on going as we have been with the Miralax. I am wishing he was on board with my wanting to get her off of it. Any Pittsburgh peeps with GI doctor recommendations? we already have a naturopath but I like to have a straight up GI doctor too).
Wednesday morning Sarah was very impatient for the bus to come. That is really a wonderfully amazing thing that she was so quickly eager for her bus ride. Wednesday afternoon when I helped Sarah get off the bus, one of the other kids told me what a good job she did. He said she said everyone’s name on the bus. The other kids said goodbye when she left and she said bye back. Oh my goodness! Fill my heart and call me full.
Thursday after school she went into my room to play with her phone for 5 minutes. She sometimes asks questions that she hears asked of her. So she said, “how was school?” I responded, “how was school?” She grinned and said, “I had fun” as she shut the door. We have never had that kind of moment before.
We recently retested Sarah’s blood and urine for the naturopath. It is hard for me not to spiral into feeling depressed about her digestive situation. I am the one who makes the food decisions for her so I do feel responsible, though I know I can’t force her to eat certain things and I do make some choices for the mental health of all of us. I am also not her body and I know I am doing my best to help her body. But then I doubt myself and wonder if I really am doing my absolute best. I am certainly not making everything from scratch the way I used to. The good news seems to be that wheat continues to test as ok and she has been having some basically every day for the past few months. Some sensitivities have gone down because of reducing her intake (cashews, almonds, eggs) but now she has a new sensitivity to sunflower seeds! (ARGH!). This doesn’t mean she can’t have them, it just means limiting her consumption. Dairy still tested as ok even though our experiential data seems to be that it makes her itchy.
I am still dealing with a cough. It is mostly mild or non-existent and then every once in a while it is embarrassingly atrocious. I am so tired of being sick. I keep prioritizing rest over cleaning or dealing with the myriad of things to deal with. I know rest is good and that it is important to get well, but it doesn’t seem to actually be making me well. I am just maintaining my status. I feel like I am drowning in the piles of crap that are silting in to a degree rarely seen before in this house. I just want to get a dumpster and throw it all away.
There are some things that are so subtle that I wonder if I am imagining them. And yet, why would I have the thought if there wasn’t something? With gymnastics and with Sarah’s language this week, I feel like there is a slight quickening. Not as in speed but as in something coming together with her confidence and ability. My only guess as to the cause is the vision therapy. Certainly it is designed to wake up her brain in new ways so it makes sense that we might see differences beyond the realm of her vision.
As of Friday night, I will now need all new socks. Perhaps you saw my entire collection blowing past your window? Sarah picked up a level 2 beginning reader book that we haven’t read in possibly a year, but that we used to read all the time. She started pointing to the words and reading them aloud more clearly than she normally reads aloud. And pointing correctly. And not skipping words. She only did a few sentences here and there, but they were clear and she was focused and sparkly. This is definitely a new level of ability! To make it all the sweeter, her book of choice was Owl at Home by Arnold Lobel, one of the great works of literature from which I have learned profound life lessons.
We went to a used clothing store to look for winter boots and a small miracle occurred. There was only one pair of size 12 boots. They fit Amy and she liked them! There was only one pair of size 13 boots. They fit Sarah and she liked them! We also found size 2T turquoise pajamas with pink elephants ice skating. This was the exact pattern both girls wore when they were younger and that Sarah has wished for ever since. At first I tried talking her out of them and then I realized that made no sense. So now she is wearing size 2T pajama pants!
Amy colored in a picture of Hello Kitty with a myriad of colors. I love how Amy uses many different colors within a shape, whether it is a person or an animal. To me this spells a love of all the different colors of people in the world. That may not be what she intends, but it is what I see.
Lots of love to all of you. Thank you for your love and support about the bus and our Pigeon.
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