I don’t know if I have mentioned that one of Sarah’s favorite songs is Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.” More often than not that is what is playing in our house on repeat. When Carl and I got married it was the second song we played at our reception, so we don’t mind hearing it one bit! Another favorite in this house is the Muppet Christmas Carol which we watch every year. We just watched it this weekend and loved it just as much as ever.
Speaking of Christmas, on Tuesday Carl wore a Rudolph outfit for a work presentation. He saw no reason to take it off before picking Amy up from Girl Scouts. She enjoyed it and was embarrassed in equal measure. Yesterday we had a small early Christmas celebration, and the kids were thrilled to get new bedding from Grammy and Granddad. Sarah’s bed now has a musical note themed comforter and a new musical note pillowcase. Amy’s bed is all Frozen themed from the sheets to the comforter. Sarah also received a Blippi doll that Carl found, and Amy got a photo book all about our cat. It was all so nice and simple to just do a couple of presents. It makes me wonder about future years and scaling back, although that is always my intention and never what happens in practice.
On Friday morning I got a call from Sarah’s school that she wasn’t feeling well. Carl brought her home early and she got some extra rest. As with other times when she hasn’t felt the best, it seemed to pass quickly and she was acting very much herself in short order. Occasionally she said she still had a headache. I don’t know if there is sometimes something she is allergic to at school that makes her eyes itchy. I don’t know if it is a tiny microseizure that results in a headache. I am merely grasping at straws and guessing. Yesterday she had big feelings when we said she couldn’t do an extra technology turn. As I snuggled with her and listened to her tears, she started talking about losing a nickel at school on Friday because she was laughing a lot at a time when that wasn’t appropriate. I asked if she had big feelings when they took the nickel off her nickel chart. She said yes. I talked about how sometimes we feel things physically when we feel mad or sad or scared. She said, “or nickel feelings.” As with so many moments I don’t know if I was being a super insightful detective helping her tell me how things had been, or if I was putting words in her mouth in my attempt to have it be about feelings rather than actual sickness.
I know I have written about this before, but I always get filled with fear and adrenaline when either kid is a shade under the weather. Reasoning with myself doesn’t seem to make a dent. So I just allow the feelings to be there, but they linger for a long time. It doesn’t help that Sarah likes to pretend to be her teacher calling me to say she isn’t feeling well. She often seems to be totally well when she makes the pretend calls but it still works to press my low-level adrenaline buttons.
Sarah often helps Carl make Hello Fresh meals on weekends. He says that she is becoming increasingly adept and truly helpful.
Amy’s school has changed things pertaining to winter break so it is 4 days longer than it originally was. She starts two days earlier and goes two days later. Many parents are upset as they scramble to arrange childcare. Since Carl can work from home and Amy can be pretty independent, we are luckily not among those scrambling. But. The other change is that her first three days of school in 2022 will be virtual. When I told her the news she was extremely upset. I think for all the grace with which she handled last year’s virtual school situation, it was harder on her soul than may be outwardly apparent. It is as if she was being told she has to endure torture again. I assured her that if it really just felt like too much mentally and emotionally she could just take those days as absences. I’m sure she will rally and attend, but if not, I really don’t want to break her spirit for three days of school. Meanwhile, Sarah has started requesting virtual school again, but that is not an option for her.
As I step over and around the constantly shifting but never-ending mess of our house, and as I navigate the shifting waters of various stressful moments, I keep reminding myself that some day all of this will be a memory. I also remind myself of this when we have snuggly wonderful moments of reading kids’ Christmas books in bed together or building a large wooden marble run together. It may be trite, but it is nonetheless true that this too shall pass. At this moment I find it a helpful reminder to be slightly more relaxed about the stressful moments and hold on a bit tighter to the snuggly moments. I feel slightly more full of love and acceptance of things being as they are. You can remind me of this later when Sarah pretends to call her teacher and I inwardly lose my sugar cookies.
Lots of love to all of you. May you feel some peace even in your rough moments.
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