I’ve been awake since 5:20 thanks to our cat, but have been dragging my mental feet about writing because I don’t feel like I have anything inspired to say. And I don’t want to be draggy. But draggy is how I feel. I’ve been working more on my book this past week at that feels haaaaaard. Way too hard. I can’t possibly do it. I know those are just feelings, and I can get past them, but they are in my way at the moment.
Last night when I got up from dinner I could tell that something was stuck to my slipper. Amy found that I was trailing a post-it with the words “beautiful writing” with which my mom had labeled a book by Brian Doyle that I just finished reading. Incidentally, Brian Doyle’s River of Song is one of the most poignant, beautiful books I have ever read. Anyway, I did find it funny that just as I am feeling so stuck with my book and not wanting to even look at it, there I was literally trailing beautiful writing. May it be true.
My right hip, which has been intermittently not quite functional or comfortable for many years has been much much worse lately. I’m limping most of the time, whether in pain or not. Sometimes I’m in a lot of pain and can barely walk. Other times I can walk fine even if I look gimpy. My goal for this weekend was not to take steps. Most days I get 5-10 thousand steps without doing anything on purpose to get steps. I’m just taking care of life. I’m not even parking far away from my office like I used to. So I have been sitting on the couch way more than usual, starting Friday evening. Usual couch time is basically never except for maybe half an hour or an hour in the evening. But I found myself thinking that all I wanted to do with my life was be on the couch. Not even reading. Just staring at the curtains. When I do that I notice many moments of tensing muscles that could be adding to my hip discomfort, so hopefully being more aware and letting things go more often will help. But the jury is still out on that.
On the plus side, yesterday I met with a new (to me) chiropractor and I’m absolutely in love with her approach and way of explaining things. I’m also hopeful that she can help me, but her approach is non-traditional, which means that the assessment was yesterday, the x-rays are Thursday, and my first adjustment will be on Saturday.
We increased Sarah’s dose of her new anti-seizure med last night as planned. I can’t tell if it is helping or causing any side effects. The few times she has slept next to me I thought she whimpered more in her sleep and seemed somehow different in her startle-awake-seizure moments, but it is hard to know.
Sarah’s bus driver was out of for most of the week and she had substitute drivers. Why substitutes can’t be on time is beyond me. I can understand being ten minutes late, but not forty! On the day it was 40 minutes late I was just about to drive Sarah when I heard from the mom at the stop before ours that the bus had come. That was after I had tried to call the bus company at least ten times, always getting voicemail that led to a full mailbox. At first the other parents and I thought that we had been told the regular driver would be out for 6-8 weeks. Egad!!! Luckily, the newest information is that he will be back tomorrow. Thank goodness. It is really not a great start to the day to get all ready on time and have no idea how long you will be waiting and watching (not doing anything else you might have wanted or needed to do) and not being able to contact the company or trust what they say if you do reach them. One day they said it was ten minutes late, but it was really twenty. When you have a Sarah screaming her heart out because she so desperately wants the bus to come, it really matters how many minutes you are waiting.
Amy had a good week mixed with big feelings when some events got canceled and when math was difficult and took forever. I was pleased with how I was able to listen to all of her feelings and help with the math in ways that felt present and relaxed. The bunny puppet that had helped Sarah around our Christmas travels happened to be nearby when Amy was upset and was helpful again. It was especially funny when the bunny tried to be mad, because it just couldn’t be and was so cute that Amy and I laughed together as she moved into more equilibrium.
Carl returned from his trip and has been supportive of my couch sitting mission. His offers to help in various ways, along with Sonia’s offers to help, point out how hard it is sometimes for me to ask for or accept help. When it was on Sarah’s behalf for Sarah-Rise then that felt way easier. It is much harder when I feel like I’m being lazy and should move my own rear. And yet, I think I need to treat my hip situation as an injury and tend to it as if I was sick.
Yesterday Carl and Amy had a fun moment. She did his hair in pigtails which he wore for most of the day and then he gave her a ride on his back, sometimes rearing onto his “hind legs” so she had to hold on to keep her balance. ,
Anyway, I hope you are all moving easily but that if you are dragging then you are also trailing something beautiful.
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