Sarah has been having more times of missing me than she normally does. This has been notable for the last couple of weeks. It seems to be getting a bit better, in that she isn’t sad right away when I leave anymore, as she was a couple of times. But if something is stressful for her, such as when Amy tried to help her brush her hair and put it in a ponytail but Amy hit a snarl in Sarah’s hair and that hurt and so then they were both upset… well then Sarah was missing me a lot. This may be partly because I am the one who usually does her hair.
Speaking of her hair, if anyone knows of any good YouTube videos that show someone teaching hair washing in a fun way, that would be great. (I haven’t looked much on YouTube, but the first video I found was crappy and not useful.) Sarah used to scream bloody murder when we would try washing her hair and it used to be a struggle to get her to shower. Blessedly, those things are in the past. She showers independently and “washes” her hair on her own, preferring that I don’t offer any suggestions or guidance. This means the top of her head and the ends of her hair get clean, but the middle section kind of doesn’t. Or if she does get shampoo there then she doesn’t rinse it out fully and then I’m brushing through old, dry bits of shampoo. I keep reminding myself that if this is how it is for her whole life it actually is still fine and clean enough. But… I wish Blippi had a hair washing episode. Or Caillou, except Caillou doesn’t have any hair so that’s not going to happen.
As I continue working on my book, it takes me back to when Sarah used to scream much more often than she does now. Knock on wood, it is relatively rare these days. Except earlier this week when the kids had half an hour before bed and decided to play together. What a lovely idea! But, as so often happens, Amy had a plan and Sarah wasn’t into that plan. Amy wanted one of the American Girl dolls to be their pretend sibling and be in a wheelchair. She asked Sarah if she wanted it to be one of her (Sarah’s) dolls. Sarah said no, so Amy got one of her own. At that point Sarah felt that to be intolerable and she wanted the toy wheelchair right that very moment!! So then both of them were fighting and yelling, which then turned into Sarah screaming loudly. I somehow felt glued to the sofa, as if I couldn’t get up to intervene in any way, especially as they moved upstairs with their fight. Luckily Carl stepped in and then had them each go to their rooms. At that point I was able to help and spent time with each kid listening to their feelings and perspective, while Carl attempted to finish his work day. But ugh. It was weird to feel so immobilized regarding the screaming. I just couldn’t deal with it. And it served as a reminder of how things used to be many times a week.
Sarah painted her fingernails and toenails completely independently and did a remarkably good job, especially when she used her non-dominant hand, and especially because she often has a slight tremor in both hands. I didn’t watch her because it was when I was working, but Carl told me about how she did it all by herself from start to finish.
Sometimes things break. In this case, Sarah’s beloved crocodile ring broke. I’m not sure why, except maybe because it is adjustable and maybe all of the times I squeezed it to make it fit more tightly just took their toll. I ordered a new one but didn’t tell her. Maybe I am slowly learning the lesson that if she wants something I can tell her I’ll look into it or work on it but I shouldn’t tell her that I’ve ordered it. If I do that then she will be impatient beyond belief, yelling, crying, and asking about it all the time. The new ring arrived and my fingers are crossed that this one lasts longer than the last, which only survived for about a month. Meanwhile, Amy’s history with umbrella’s is remarkable in how short a lifespan her umbrellas have. Sarah still has her very first umbrella (a frog) and a new musical note umbrella. Amy is on umbrella number??? Beats me. I got one for her as a Christmas present. It had cats all over it and was just a crappy product from moment one. Recently we found a company that will print a picture of your pet on an umbrella. So she picked a picture and I placed the order. We waited weeks. The umbrella arrived and seemed like a well-made item. After one day of using it, she left it on the porch to dry and I realized it was broken in two places. I asked what happened. Apparently during a play date, she “only threw it twice.” Sigh. In this case she will need to earn the money for me to order another one.
I can see that I really have a journey ahead of me to be more relaxed about time, especially as it pertains to Amy (and Carl – but we’ve been working on our different relationships with time for the past 25 years!). Part way through the week I told her that I would stop giving her reminders in the morning and stop nudging about time because it seemed to make us both annoyed with each other. But that meant she had to take over responsibility. She pointed to her new cat watch, indicating that she was ready and could do this. And yet, the best of intentions can easily fall apart when things are interesting and distracting. I didn’t remind or nudge, but I’m sure she still felt my discomfort. I want to feel easier about all of this so it doesn’t become a mountain between us and so I feel better more often rather than feeling tense or mad.
Every Wednesday Anna comes to do an hour of Sarah Mouse Anna Mouse School House tutoring play with Sarah and then stays to play for two hours with Sarah and Amy. Sarah loves the crocodile math they do. This week Anna wore clothes that Sarah has too. They greeted each other while each wearing their musical note shirts made by Carl’s mom. Then Sarah changed the rest of her clothes to match Anna, donning Anna’s old shorts and yellow Gymkhana t-shirt that Anna gave to Sarah months ago. Sarah also changed into her Elephant and Piggie socks, which she used to wear all the time and also gave as a gift to Anna. So they were dressed the same from top to toe and then pretended to be twin crocodiles chomping. Amy enjoyed how Anna and Sarah were clothing twins, but she still resists any moment of wearing the same thing as Sarah herself, even though she likes coordinating with her school friends so they wear the same uniform pieces on a given day.
Speaking of crocodiles, as we always are in this house, Sarah now likes to play with words that rhyme with “while.” So she might say, “Mama, you said ‘after a while’ not ‘after a style’ when I got off the bus.” We then exchange various rhyming words like aisle, bile, dial, file, guile, isle, Kyle, Lyle, mile, Nile, pile, rile, style, tile, and vile (or vial).
Grandma came over yesterday for a few hours and Sarah enjoyed reading out loud to her from Little Fox Goes to the End of the World. You may recall that this book features crocodiles. Grandma was a wonderfully engaged listener, reacting dynamically to the appearance of bears, one-eyed cats, and crocodiles. Sarah clearly enjoyed her animated audience. I enjoyed quietly reading on the couch while this happened.
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