This week has been full of realizations and celebrations. As Sarah and I drove home from rehearsal on Tuesday, not making it to the end of rehearsal and only making it as long as we did because I let Sarah look at pictures on my phone while I stood in for her and took notes on blocking, I had a realization. I was contemplating my stress around rehearsals and my judgements of Sarah. For a nanosecond I let go of the judgement and really just felt love and appreciation for Sarah. In that precise moment she reached over and gently rubbed my shoulder and then gave my arm a kiss. I do not think the timing was coincidental. I think it was because I got clear and she could feel that. For all that I sometimes may think she is unaware of what is going on around her, what if the opposite it true? What if she is hyperaware of the nuances of people’s feelings and thoughts, so much so that it is too much to manage? In the old days in the Sarah-Rise room I certainly noticed the correlation between my energy and clarity and Sarah’s responsiveness to me. I am ever striving to be more clear with my love for Sarah and this was a good reminder that it is a self-serving endeavor as well. I actually get more of the connection I want if I truly let go of needing her to be anything or anyone other than who she is.
The celebrations for Amy’s upcoming birthday have begun! Friday after school, two of Amy’s friends came over to help her decorate the cupcakes I had made, and they did an amazing job. They cut open many of the cupcakes to hide caches of decorative balls. Or, as Carl and I discovered, two of them were filled with candy eyeballs! Why did we happen to pick the only ones with eyeballs?! Using modeling chocolate, one cupcake sported a cat butt. Or at least that is what they were calling it. Amy made a topper that looked like a black cat, and other cupcakes were topped with paw prints, rainbows, or sprinkles.
Friday night we had pizza and started watching a movie. With Sarah, it usually takes two or three nights to watch a movie and we still have to encourage her to be quiet. I got a special dessert from Whole Foods since we were saving the cupcakes for Amy’s parties. The dessert was underwhelming, but having a candlelit moment with Amy and I singing “Happy Birthday” to each other was heart-filling.
Amy’s first party was yesterday at Urban Air, a trampoline park with a zipline and obstacle course. She had a great time and played hard. Normally napping is against her religion unless she is in the car. A minute after I started to drive home, she was out like a light. I took a circuitous route home to ensure that she got a nap if she decided not to continue it at home. In actuality, she did nap at home too, as did the rest of us. I think we were all out for almost two hours.
Almost every morning when Sarah gets on her bus, I hear her saying, “I went to Jump again last night!” I keep meaning to tell her driver that I assume that is a made-up trampoline park or something that he mentioned, but that she hasn’t ever been to a place called Jump. At least tomorrow when she tells him she went to a trampoline park, it will be true! She jumped a lot and had a great time.
After our collective naps, we prepared for party number two. Amy invited a small number of friends to join her for dinner, a movie, and a sleepover. One of them gave her a bracelet with various word-beads. All of the words described Amy, and her friend explained all of Amy’s wonderful qualities. I love how sweet, kind, and loving Amy’s friends are. I love how they see her and I love that she shows up as her real self with them. It is beautiful.
Amy had requested tacos for dinner so I made the customary array including a vat of guacamole. Amy loves guacamole so an entire avocado’s-worth goes in her taco. After dinner and a round of cupcakes, the girls settled in to watch the second Hunger Games movie. Meanwhile, Sarah said she wanted to hang out with Carl. I folded laundry and enjoyed hearing Carl and Sarah in her room playing their guitars. They sang about foxes, about Not a Boxes, about blue hats and green hats and purple cats. At one point Sarah started saying she was Adrian from Bandits on the Run and that her string was breaking. When the Bandits had their Pittsburgh concert, Adrian’s string did indeed break or come loose and yet somehow he miraculously fixed it within seconds while still strumming.
Sarah continues to love foxes, including Freddy the Fox, as she has named the small fox emblem on Carl’s winter coat. When Gregory was with her on Friday, he spent half an hour creatively coming up with new responses every time she asked “what is a fox?” It was beautiful to behold such dynamic presence and fresh energy around a topic where I can stagnate.
When Anna was here on Wednesday they created cue cards to help Sarah with the musical when she has to be onstage paying attention to, and reacting to, the scene. Anna translated each actual scenario into something Sarah would have a real reaction about, such as things pertaining to her bus driver. Brilliant!
Lots of love to all of you. May you feel celebrated for exactly who you are.
Leave a Reply