One night the girls performed a concert and play for us, largely dictated by Amy. Sarah participated as the bus driver and said her lines when Amy prompted her to with a snap. Before Amy snapped Sarah popped her head out of the tent bus and said “Amy your bus is here!” That was hilarious. Amy made them do the scene again though because Sarah was supposed to wait for the snap and then she was supposed to say “beep beep! Amy your busy is here!” That was achieved and Amy gave Sarah further instructions about what lines to say. Overall this was adorable and from the level of how far we have come it is just knock-your-socks off amazing.
Carl helped the girls make a pretend Uber. Sarah pretended to drive them around. She got a flat tire and ran out of gas so had to fix both situations but was still a five star driver, sometimes named Sarah and other times Ryan. I do recommend caution, though, before hiring her because she seems to get flats and empty gas tanks every time she drives.
We had a sitter last night who let Sarah help make scrambled eggs, including breaking the eggs. I often don’t want help or the girls are busy doing something else so I haven’t given either a ton of egg-cracking practice. I’m so glad A let Sarah help.
Friday night we skipped swim lessons so the girls could go to Earth Night at Amy’s school. I’m not exactly sure why events there feel so stressful for me if we don’t have both parents. Carl was going to meet us there. I could have waited until he was home and we could have all gone together. Note to self: next time, WAIT. I somehow thought things would feel easier this time because the girls were a bit older. Probably it would have been fine if I didn’t have eyes on both at all times. Internally I felt so tight and tense and I just kept telling myself to breathe. The tricky thing is that Sarah really just wants to play on a particular set of stairs so if we aren’t on them she will just leave my side, which I panic about. I could trust she would be on the stairs and not watch her every second, but the thing that concerns me is that she leaves my side without saying anything. I could also trust that Amy knows her way around enough to be ok, even though it isn’t her building. I could further trust that there are lots of people who know Amy and could help if she needed it. And that Sarah probably wouldn’t leave the event all together. But my internal mama-bear lizard brain just becomes extra vigilant and panicked when it is just me looking after two. The part that feels frustrating and ridiculous is that I still chose to put myself in that situation instead of just waiting. Well, some lessons take a while to learn.
Saturday we went to the CMU spring carnival and that felt relatively easy and fun. Part of that is because we had both of us so it was ok if the girls wanted to do different things. The other part is that Sarah just wanted to be in the bouncy house the entire time, aside from snack breaks. I didn’t worry about her wandering off, at least not once we were established at the bouncy house. The girls bounced for hours. Truly, hours.
As I walked Sarah out to the bus one morning I said, “I hope you have a great day.” She said, “I will.” I said, “I love you very much.” She replied, “to the moon and back.” This kind of exchange still amazes me and melts my heart. What I don’t know is whether she was saying she loves me to the moon and back or whether she was saying my line. She often says what she wants or expects someone else to say. Either way, my heart is full. If she knows I love her to the moon and back that is just as wonderful as if she feels that way about me. I suspect both are true.
Leave a Reply