Normally I take notes throughout the week about various moments that I want to remember. I haven’t taken any notes. My mind has been on other things.
If Carl had a relative whom he had loved but who had mistreated me, and if he had their picture on our wall, if I asked him to take down the picture he would do so! He would do so because he loves me and we live in this house together and want to make a loving life together. What is happening in this country is the same, just on a bigger scale. We (all who live in this country) want to create a big loving life (I mean, don’t we?? people just get super confused (and fearful) about what that actually means and looks like) so if there are people with whom we share this collective house who feel that certain statues should come down (I believe that they should!) then for goodness’ sake, no one should need any reason beyond the fact that a loved one is asking! Never mind the fact that there are good reasons. The most fundamental reason is that we should all want to honor each other and respect each other in the present moment. That means listening to and honoring past hurts. As for how to respond to white supremacists, if we think about the small house analogy, if you had a pet that was terrorizing the members of your family and biting them and killing them, you would not tolerate that behavior. That would not be something to love and respect.
I have always wanted to raise thoughtful and kind children but after the events in Charlottesville and the unacceptable response from the toddler-in-chief, I am more determined. I also realize how much more there is for me to know and share with my girls. There is so much that I do not know and haven’t wanted to know, but that is like putting a bandaid on a splinter and expecting the splinter to go away. We need to take off the collective bandaids and look at the splinters.
Now on to my actual small house and small family…
Amy started first grade! How is that even possible?!? She loves it.
Sarah and I were looking at photos from when she was younger and she asked about our orange stroller. I got it out of storage and she has been enjoying pushing it up and down the block. We also went for two stroller walks yesterday with me pushing her. It was such a nice thing to do together and it was filled with strong sense memories of the thousands of stroller walks I did in the past. It was also ridiculously hot yesterday and I was dripping with sweat!
Last weekend Amy had a playdate with some friends and during some of that time they were annoyed with Sarah being near them and interfering with their play. At first I was feeling defensive and hurt on Sarah’s behalf, thinking that it was due to Sarah’s uniqueness. Then I remembered moments from the Beezus and Ramona books and remembered that this is just what sisters do. I felt like a ton of bricks fell off of my heart and I could breath again.
I am struggling some with how to balance my role in the family and how I want the house to be and how I don’t want to clean up everyone’s socks and how I’m tired of people needing things from me and how I also want to be nurturing and providing and care taking and managing things and making lots of healthy delicious food and I also want to do my own reading and research and work. Sometimes I don’t mind stepping over markers and stuffed animals and other times I want to scream and throw everything in the trash. This cycle and struggle is not new, but it has been on my mind.
While I was writing, Sarah came over a couple of times and put her arms around me while smiling into my face and asking me to be a sad bear or cat. Sometimes she is just so sweet!
Anyway, I send you love and peace as you look at whatever struggles and splinters are on your horizon. When things are feeling difficult, remember to eat good food, drink water, and rest.
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